The Charms of Domestic Violence

                                  He Hit Me (and It Felt like a Kiss)

                                                                                 [Image Courtsey: Wikipedia]

Ten sentences that are prelude to Domestic Violence

It starts like this at a  point of time in the marital relationship

1. I am fed up with you
2. Leave me alone
3. Get lost and never show me your face again.
4.  I think we are not made for each other
5. You are no more same to whom I loved
6. Better to be stranger than enemy
7. I curse the moment I fell in love with you.
8. I hate you. /I hate everything about you.
9. I want to walk out of marriage
10. Our marriage is a blunder

These dialogues are obviously followed by satires, quarrels, mud-slinging, blame game, manhandling and what we call as domestic violence.

Then we need more counseling sessions with a Psychiatrist to reconcile the situation and to heal the bruised ego.

Domestic violence is one of the most ignored crimes all over the world. The rate of domestic violence should determine the Happiness Index of any country.

Very surprisingly, it is equally popular (?) in rural and urban areas, but the number of cases reported are more in Urban areas.

We have some other issues to ponder than compare forms and types of Domestic Violence,

James Hartford, Jr. Who was charged for beating his wife in Detroit was wearing dirty white tank

top  with baked bean stains on it set the trend for "wife beaters" shirt and gave new dimension to

 the age old hobby of showing off vulgar proud in masculinity as macho man.

Ten options woman has:

1. To hit him back only once to make him realize that she too can do it

2. To hit him back equal or more to settle the issue once for all, Tooth for tooth.

3. To apologize even if it is his mistake and accept his dominance

4. To walk out temporarily and stay with friends or walk in Public Park.

5. To walk out of relationship permanently.

6. Call the Police and file a suit

7. Shut herself in a room and have a shot

8. Break crockery and create tantrums

9. Wait till he is sober and then discuss with patience

10. Last but not the least, which you might be doing often is, forgive and forget

All above solutions are for so called Normal people, exceptionally if you are sadomasochist or a 

lover of  book "Fifty shades of Grey", you have to search for reasons why did you enjoy reading

 that book which normal people discard as  disgusting. If you really felt like being kissed when 

you were hit, the secret lies in the deeper layers of your psyche. May be

1. That is how your mother or elder sister who was your childhood idol behaved

2. You were exposed to  media which glamorized this kind of behavior

3. You suffer from a guilt-conscious and like to be punished

4. Your relationship is Love- Hate type and you hate your weakness (love) for him.

5. You were victim of child abuse.

Celebrities like Kim Kardashian have been used by artist to highlight the domestic violence against women.

When a matter pertains to human psyche the list is always endless since every individual has a 

different perception and reacts differently. Every case is different from other and some 

generalization is possible only after research.

Literature helps in developing insight.

The frequency, intensity and duration of domestic violence has some statistical correlation with 

conjugal activities of the couple which needs to be explored. Havelock Ellis claims that for women pain and sexual pleasure were sometime indistinguishable; the normal manifestation of women's sexual pleasure are exceedingly like pain.

George Bernard Shaw's play 'Pygmalion' is based on social realism. Higgins in last Act says to Eliza " be off with you to the sort of people you like. Marry some sentimental hog or other with lots of money, and a thick pair of lips to kiss you and a thick pair of boots to kiss you with."

However literature,  traces romanticism in domestic violence and accepts it as an expression of love since the Middle Ages.

 © Vipin Behari Goyal

Advocate,Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur