Author's Diction~Vipin Behari Goyal

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Confessions of a Teenager



Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can ~ Naya Rivera

Reflection On Perception: Photo By Ashu



I hate to look at myself in the mirror. I am not ugly. I look good. My mirror is perfect, but I am not. I do not like many mirrors in the house. I have kept only one, above the washbasin. People expect me to have at least one at this place. It depresses me. My day starts with a sigh of sorrow to face another day of self-deception.
My parents repeat the same sermons every morning as if it is great news. They think I am tactless. I believe what they say, though I do not know exactly what the meaning of tact is. I like the way I am, but the obsession of being tactful has made me ugly. Why all those who claim to love me, crave for my improved version. Why do they lack empathy if they are not narcissistic?
It is better to be ‘tactful evil’ than to be ‘tactless good’. They advise but do not clarify. I cannot be a puppet. I do not have any strings attached. Not even in my mind. I walk, sleep and wake up like a robot. Can you expect a robot to be tactful?
My well-wishers say, “You have talent, tactics can make you successful”. It may be another way to say that I am dumb, which I am not. I do not appease my parents, teachers and bosses by keeping a record of their birthday and marriage anniversary, nor do I play vice versa with my friends and colleagues. I can be as jubilant or sad as you can, without being verbose about it. You may find me a ‘good company’ even if I remain silent.
I perceive the things in fragments. I take time to visualize a concept in its totality. If people do not have patience, they walk away. I do not mind. I cannot proceed unless I am sure. I vouch for the Truth. Society does not appreciate the truth. They seek pieces of glass with diamond cut.
Tact bridges the gap between talent and success. Everyone has a different idea of success. Society approves people who chase prosperity, fame and status. It makes society indispensable. For me success is happiness, but I have no idea what makes me happy. The same things often have made me feel gloomy.
I want to spend time with innocent young people. I find them more creative than experienced, wiser people.  They had had their life; I want to have my own. The hypocrite behavior of people around me is confusing, but ultimately I will find my way. May be not today, or tomorrow, but eventually, I will. I am not in a hurry. If time mould me to be one of them, I would commit suicide. However, I doubt if any of them have the courage to do so.

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©  Vipin Behari Goyal