Games Spouse Play

                  Ten things to do when you feel ignored

In ‘Who is afraid of Virginia Wolf’’ By Edward Albee, the author has shown the hollowness of the society. Two couples play many different games in one night. That is one of the best American dramas. In actual life this drama is always going on. The games are different for each couple.

In ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’ By D. H. Lawrence, Constance and her crippled husband Clifford Chatterley play games with each other. The emotional neglect by husband inflames physical desires of Connie and she is hurt because her husband is more aristocrat than her.

The Judiciary is unanimous that 'emotional neglect' of a wife or husband is a sort of mental cruelty. Some examples can be quoted,

1. If the wife does not serve food on dinner table, she is considered to be neglecting domestic duties

2. If the husband while going to office does not bid farewell (no hug, no kiss not even smile) to his wife, he is guilty of emotional neglect.

What is there between husband and wife, which cannot be classified as mental cruelty, if seen from a certain angle.

Look at Anna Karenina in the great novel by Leo Tolstoy. She could neither ignore the cold behaviour of her husband nor the advances made by flamboyant Count Vronsky. The main plot and sub plot of the novel are an excellent example of the games spouse play.

Whether it is ‘no-fault’ divorce law of US or section 13 (B) of Hindu Marriage Act that permits divorce by mutual consent, the society is unable to sustain the institution of marriage and has made it convenient for couples to walk out of wedlock even without any paltry ground.

Just because they did not learn the tact to ignore the things without tentamounting to emotional neglect.

It is best to ignore the trifle, but it is not good to emotionally neglect the spouse. They have a moral obligation to pamper the Ego of each other once a while.

Ten things to do when you feel ignored:

1. Go by Old Testament law of ‘Tooth for Tooth’. Ignore 'being ignored'.

2.  Act normal, even if your mind is storming. After all world is stage and we all are actors (William Shakespeare).

3. Be more aggressive while talking on the phone or with vendors. Rebuke anyone on a fake call. It is not only catharsis for your own self, but also puts your spouse under psychological pressure.

4. Wear your best dresses or change your wardrobe (ignore your credit crunch). A well dressed woman has more self confidence, more self-esteem and makes spouse jealous of her. Love me or hate me, but you can’t ignore me. Right?

5.  Be extra cordial to the friends of your spouse.

6. Pretend to pray even if you don’t believe in God, like in Tall man Small Shadow. It puts off even hard nuts and they crack.

7. Bed is the best place for reconciliation.

8. Only insecure persons emotionally neglect. Search for the cause of that insecurity and mend it.

9. Do not involve your friends in the game you are playing with your spouse. You will only worsen the situation.

10. Some mental cruelty may strengthen the nuptial bond when reconciled.

Finally, remember ‘Gone With the Wind’. How tactfully Rhett Butler ignored Scarlet by mocking her and eventually  tries to win her by indifference and cruelty. Scarlet obsessed by Ashley scorns the men and wins them.

Miracles of emotional neglect are yet to be explored.

© Vipin Behari Goyal
Advocate, Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur, India