The Alien Girl

                               Forbidden Navel Show

Jenny The Alien Girl

Dear Jenny,

I would have never come to know that you are an alien, if the topic of a navel show would not have crept up while discussing why people love to post photos of their feet. Your theory that “I am not in the mood to show you my face, see my feet”. I agree to it. I prefer that you have to begin with the feet on a vertical journey at my body. It’s a message, I am proud of my feet; they take me places. Whatever, my suggestion was that the navel is the only source of prenatal existence and we should proudly display it to remind that our microcosm has a definite relationship with macrocosm. The navel has many shapes and is an index of the mind. Decoration of the navel by tattoo and pierce rings is therapeutic. A proud declaration of existence in an otherwise a meaningless and purposeless life. I requested you to show me your navel. Initially you were shy and tried to laugh it off, but when I insisted you declared that you don’t have any navel since you were an alien. It was a shock for me. You were earnest in your declaration. Everything started falling in place and a complicated puzzle was solved. From the very beginning, I was skeptic about your human form.

You were mysterious from the very first day. You had already left a house without saying goodbye, just because you could read the mind of your host. That was your first alien quality I noticed. After that when I told you about CC and you could presume everything that happened between her and me. You quickly explored CC and found everything about her. I just do not much care about the past of a person, nor I am good like you in drawing conclusions based on casual remarks posted on social websites. Though I admit that all these things have a bearing upon us and nothing happens without a reason. Only an alien could be that potential geek.

When I asked your opinion about the CC’s remark in her letter that she wrote to me “Oh V-, you are not just a good man”, you were hesitant to accept that it was meant to be a compliment. You were fishing for some covert negative meaning in it. I believe in intuition, though you are suspicious almost about everything. It is nice to start a relationship with an element of doubt at every step till the person proves himself trustworthy. I usually do not bother about other’s opinion and act as natural self. You had no reason to trust me moreover; you had recently met an unpleasant situation with another man. It did not put myself under any pressure to act differently than normal self. People are so accustomed to artificial life that anything natural upsets them. Can it be my fault?

I do not know what else am, if I am not just a good man. Jenny I asked you also, but you preferred to remain silent. Being an alien you had some mechanism to dissect the human behaviour by primordial genetic code. You must have been surprised to read my genetic code. It has been mutated by my “will to power”. That makes me a good man without any conditioning of the mind. But you know what, I am sick of being known as a good man. It stops me from freedom of choice to be a bad man. Good men are the big losers.

In the cave temple you were under trance. Apparently, you were communicating with some other world. While returning from the cave temple we did not speak a single word. Your alien character was obvious and I was suddenly happy in your company. Tranquility was communicated. Our plan of revenge had evaporated and aggression had diluted.

You were constantly making me think of CC. Once you told that, you would trail her and meet her. If you do so, I will be grateful to you. I want your perspective about everything. You have a comprehensive approach in analysis like an author. I am not just curious to know everything, but I also hang on your opinion like a thread of breath. You look at our life as if you are viewing a video game. This kind of mechanical neutrality is disquieting for most of the mankind. I think I appreciate it. I believe in the mechanism and eventual failure of it.

Live long, as if you have nothing else to do.

VBG

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©  Vipin Behari Goyal

So It Was Not A Goodbye

                              The Divine Experiment

Photo By CC: Void To Void

C_C,

Every end has a new beginning. I bid you a farewell. Thought, you will be lost in the mist and clouds of Himalayan Valley, and the world beyond that. We have departed never to meet again. Though this thought was depressing, but I had reconciled with it. I never look back, nor do I chase shadows. I just keep on walking in the opposite direction until everything stops making sense. I have deliberately separated your initials by a space, a void or rather a subtle void in between your initials. You are an illusion and reality at the same time. Once you were a reality, now you are an illusion.

I said to you few shocking things. Whatever I told you, my intentions were good. A man needs to be judged by intentions. My intention was to heal a bruised soul. A pure and divine soul, which was a victim of the callous world. Tears wash the stains of the soul. You said ‘you learned from me’, and you know what ‘I unlearned from you’. My learning had made me complicated, dubious and rational, which consumed my vital forces. Then I met you, a breath of fresh air. At first sight, I felt no vibration. You appeared just like any other Western girl looking for the solution of personal riddles in the mystic land. There is special providence in the fall of Sparrow (Shakespeare). The fresh air had touched my skin to penetrate deep and affect my psyche. I started unlearning. Will you be surprised if I tell you that now I am on the path of simplicity, faith and intuition. My intellect has deceived me. Now I need to ensure that intellect  was the real cause of my void.

Respect is not important. You always need a reason to respect somebody. But you can love anybody without a reason. Learning weaved a web around the senses and reduces perception. Love is that magic which breaks the talisman of flesh and makes you see things with feelings. That kind of unconditional love, a panacea of all suffering, evaporates like camphor in the heat of a ruthless world. You have hidden that love in the secret crevices of your heart and sometimes it overflows and soaks a deprived soul, just like an aimless drifting cloud of valley soaks a wanderer for nothing.

You need not to be grateful to anybody. Rather, people should be grateful to you for being around. As I am. If people are disappointed in you, it is their problem. They are greedy and want more, while you have already given more than they deserve. Forgive and forget them. They are normal selfish people who value a thing only when it has slipped out of their hand.

You wrote, “Also, some things you said..maybe I should have said something and I didn’t”. That makes you more beautiful as a person and as a human being. In these two dots followed by ‘maybe’ is the secret of the universe. This kind of silent conversation is the strength of any relationship. It is good to leave things unsaid. Conscience doesn’t permit us to be judgmental.

You are warm, as warm as cozy blanket you are wrapped up in the valley of Himalaya, right now. I would pity the person who does not find you warm. Why should you bother for such kind of insensitive person?

This whole gambit is no experiment. It is a divine plan. We cannot always make things happen. Sometimes they just do happen to us. Your smile is very precious CC, smile if it makes you happy to think that the entire episode was an experiment, but rest assured it was a divine experiment.

Ciao

VBG

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©  Vipin Behari Goyal

Goodbye Letter To CC

We look before and after, And pine for what is not. ~Shelley

Dear C_C

I worship, suffering. Especially when it comes from my own beloved people. I wonder on the means of my sufferings, because the causes are universal. Like all other human beings, I too have expectations and attachment. Therefore, I never presume my life to be devoid of suffering.

When our relationship was caught in an ennui, I knew either of us would take a step to terminate it. One with more self esteem would take a lead. So it had to be you. Being a good friend of the mirror, I knew almost everything about me. I do not know how people who have scarcely met me a few times or for a few days, claim to know more about me. Even you, not because you had other priorities, but because of your innocence, ignored what was vital to our relationship. Your moves and gestures betrayed what was going in your mind.

I refused to be a nucleus of your life, just because it would have killed either of us. There is no doubt that my suffering is due to my habit of seeing you around. First, you made yourself indispensable and then you walked away just like that.

I cherish this suffering and I would not be scared if happiness knocks at my door again and then leave me more bruised and hurt. I have surfed on the waves by choice. Sea has his own way of reciprocating love. Just like you. I really want a big wave to finish the story. To die choked by water and being eaten up by fishes. Life may be purposeless, but not the death.

Your intellectualism did not permit me to call you by any pet names. I know you hate being called ‘Darling”. I too think it to be obscene. But I do not understand why you always spoke in masculine gender. Why you were afraid of accepting your femininity? Innocence and insecurity go together, except in children. Even experience does not make you mature, otherwise you would not have made the same mistakes so many times. Maturity is just another name of cunnings. I can never fall in love with a cunning girl.

You always pretend to be a strong girl. Sometimes I could look into your eyes and know that you have cried. Crying is not a weakness, only strong persons are not afraid of crying. Your heart is butter, I have felt its smoothness, it melts even by little warmth, catches fire and gives burns.

Thankfully, we were honest with each other. Though both of us exaggerated while recollecting past. May be because we loved melodrama. Even we departed in a dramatic way. You said, “It does not matter, I go this way or that way”. Your kit was on my porch even though I had requested you to stay. For a moment, I thought you were playing a game. I immediately felt guilty to doubt your intentions. Your eyes were clear and honest. It really did not matter for you at that fraction of a moment. I knew what was best for you. To move. You have to melt tones of ice, before you could breathe normally. I bid you farewell with a heavy heart. Not even a goodbye kiss. I was afraid.

I still laugh when I remember how easily you accused me. You said you feel insecure of sexual assault with me and I refrained you from projecting your dirty mind on my character. Did you really think I could molest you? You are tempting, no doubt, but I have nothing to gain and much to lose. Though once or twice, I crossed the line and could feel your discomfort.

You have wonderful art of telling stories. But I am also worried about the way you tell a story. You are intense and sensitive. You relive every moment while telling a story. No CC No.  You have to detach and look at your past objectively. You have set your feet for a long journey, don’t change your path for trivial emotions. I miss you, so many people miss you. You also miss many of us; we are at your back. You are safe even if you fall back, but we all pray that you never fall back.

Adieu

VBG

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©  Vipin Behari Goyal