Wish you happy Break-Up: Real Life -Style

                       Dynamics of Healthy and Sick Relationship

Pixabay

Graphs are great instruments to understand the phenomenon of life. Just like Yantra in Hinduism is a geometrical representation of  Mantra, embodiment of power house to recharge the battery of life, similarly  graph also help  in understanding  the contours of life.

The journey at Plateau from Point B to Point D is very important. It is not necessary, you would have only one dip at Point C, on the contrary the road is quite bumpy and it is more important that after every dip both the individuals feel a growth as a human being, which is the ultimate object of any relationship.

As we have seen earlier all relationships have different equation, so they have different remedies to rectify the imbalance. As our body yearns for harmony so does all relationship tends to be harmonious. We can only generalize some of the most common factors causing imbalance:

1. Boredom: One of the most common cause is boredom. If both the partners are creative and innovative, they soon find out a way to kill the boredom and head ahead.. If both are non creative, they may not feel that boredom has crept in and would be killed by it unknowingly. If either of them is creative he/she has a greater amount of trouble than the first two types. The non creative partner acts as dead weight and all the efforts made by creative one are laughed at and ridiculed.

2. Aggression: Second deadly emotion is aggression. It does not mean being aggressive towards your partner. It means 'Aggressive Life Style'. It means 'snatching by walking into the other's territory'. If either of the partners has aggressive life style and other is not extraordinarily meek, they would quarrel in public like two crazy people and if another partner is meek he /she would slip out of bed one fine night and walk away.

3. Satirical: Being satirical is worse than domestic violence victimization. Domestic violence has lots of support from society and law, but you can't call the Police if your partner has just passed a satirical comment leaving you speechless and battered. The quality of satires may vary depending upon the intellectual level of couple. A single satire in appropriate situation may lead to the breakup. The idea is to control the desire to pass a satire or revert back with a satire. It could save a relationship.

4. Consensual:  Consensual couple is likely to break up earlier. Being always consensual starts sending red signals and if the other partner is not an asshole he would know that their relationship is now terminable at any moment. Nagging is not the remedy or could be worse. The idea is to suggest something better or to come out with a better alternative to the proposal of your partner, not to make him feel inferior, but to show that there is application of mind on your part also. If done tactfully it could lead to a magical relationship.

5. Timidity: The moment your partner realizes that you are very  timid, he/she  would emotionally blackmail you, till you collapse in self pity. If you are not brave, you can't pretend to be brave all the time. But you have to take a stand once a while and stick to it with firmness. Your partner would be agitated by such unpredictable behavior, but it would leave him amazed and you could see a new respect in his/her eyes for you.

Past, howsoever bitter it may be has sweet memories. So, cherish the memories of all that happened between you, when the graph after Point D would take up an upward turn and take your relationship to a new height.

Other related Post
Make-Up Your Break Up 
Myth of Made for Each Other                                                                                                                            

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

Wish you a Happy Break-Up: In Literary Style

                Ten Rules Related to Breakups

"Nothing would have delighted me more than to hear that she was sick, unhappy, dying."-The End of the Affair by Graham Greene

If you think your relationship is heading towards a breakup, you have already reached there.

Now it's only the matter of Time.

Thumb Rule is 'The Earlier the Better"

It may sound callous, but it's a hard fact that early acknowledgement saves your self esteem and hurt does not bleed excessively. Here are the Ten Commandments that effect Adam-Eve Relationship.

1. Arithmetic of Relationship:  

Howsoever we may despise to admit the fact this age old institution of "relationship between opposite sex" is governed by certain Theories of Arithmetic". The Basic principle of  2+2=4 applies to this relationship also. When in love or possessed by love the couple starts believing that 1+1=1. This is an undeniable eternal truth that  two different entities if merge to become one, they have to lose all the earlier attributes attached to the identity created consciously or subconsciously to project a self-image.  

Ultimately, any effort  to violate the Rules of Arithmetic is futile and the temporary Unification leads to permanent Diversification.

Avoid  'I is you' and 'You is me'  feeling at any cost. Remain two islands connected by a bridge of Love, if you want your relationship to be eternal.

2. Search for the Philosophy of relationship:

 As no two individuals are alike, so are no two relationships alike in the whole world. 'Every couple in Love' is governed by a different and unique philosophy that defines their relationship. 

Never imitate a character of a novel you liked most, any actor or actress you are influenced with in real or on screen life, your friends or foes.

It is one of the most difficult parts. Because our logical part of the mind is diagonally  opposite to emotional mind and it needs two minds to draw an understanding of a Philosophy, to which both of them agree. If it is achieved, you are glued forever.

3. Possessiveness versus Permissiveness: 

The root cause of all evils is 'Me' and 'Mine'. The attachment can best be enjoyed by a detached outlook on life. Like a drop of water on a lotus leaf. It is there without soaking leaf. It is easier said than done. It is a mental state or 'Conditioning of mind to be Unconditioned.' 

Like all great things come from perseverance, this mental state also comes by hard toil.

All attachments are like wound on a dog. He loves to lick them. Don't lick your wounds. Do not draw any sadistic pleasure out of it. It is pettiest to have a self pity. You simply didn't own what you have lost. How can you regret losing something that was not yours.

The first moment when one realizes being possessive should act immediately to overcome it. The cure usually lies in the ailment itself. The act of your partner that made you jealous, gave a pang in your heart or made you melancholic, grant him permission to act like that. Initially, it may look hard, but gradually you would feel that you are more in control of the situation than your partner is.

Chances are that your partner would feel guilty and would come back to you.

Do not cry in either of the situation. If at all you need to, do it privately with lot of Tissue Paper around, but never search for a shoulder when you want to cry, and at least never on the shoulder of your partner.

4. Life is Journey, Relationships are Conveyance:

Look at it like this. Life is long beautiful journey and it passes through different terrains, which makes the whole journey an interesting adventure.

Some conveyances are God gifted and others you can choose. Those we are born with are most easy to handle. Since we have no alternatives for those relations, we learn to accept them by birth. Even if there is some superficial change like Break-Up of parents the relation by blood never ends.

One must own the responsibility of having chosen a relationship. Usually the defense-mechanism of the mind does not permit us to take the responsibility and a blame game ensues.

5. Stretch your Plateau: 

See the chart. The intensity of the relationship decreases with the passage of time. You have to expand the plateau that is the span, when you have maximum intensity for each other. Most of the relationship recedes to E after the first depression at C. If both are wise, they work out the cause and mend the relationship which makes it more sound.

Read Part 2: Myth of Made for Each Other

Read Part 3: Dynamics of Relationship

                                                                     

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/