Ten Rules Related to Breakups
"Nothing would have delighted me more than to hear that she was sick, unhappy, dying."-The End of the Affair by Graham Greene
If you think your relationship is heading towards a breakup, you have already reached there.
Now it's only the matter of Time.
Thumb Rule is 'The Earlier the Better"
It may sound callous, but it's a hard fact that early acknowledgement saves your self esteem and hurt does not bleed excessively. Here are the Ten Commandments that effect Adam-Eve Relationship.
1. Arithmetic of Relationship:
Howsoever we may despise to admit the fact this age old institution of "relationship between opposite sex" is governed by certain Theories of Arithmetic". The Basic principle of 2+2=4 applies to this relationship also. When in love or possessed by love the couple starts believing that 1+1=1. This is an undeniable eternal truth that two different entities if merge to become one, they have to lose all the earlier attributes attached to the identity created consciously or subconsciously to project a self-image.
Ultimately, any effort to violate the Rules of Arithmetic is futile and the temporary Unification leads to permanent Diversification.
Avoid 'I is you' and 'You is me' feeling at any cost. Remain two islands connected by a bridge of Love, if you want your relationship to be eternal.
2. Search for the Philosophy of relationship:
As no two individuals are alike, so are no two relationships alike in the whole world. 'Every couple in Love' is governed by a different and unique philosophy that defines their relationship.
Never imitate a character of a novel you liked most, any actor or actress you are influenced with in real or on screen life, your friends or foes.
It is one of the most difficult parts. Because our logical part of the mind is diagonally opposite to emotional mind and it needs two minds to draw an understanding of a Philosophy, to which both of them agree. If it is achieved, you are glued forever.
3. Possessiveness versus Permissiveness:
The root cause of all evils is 'Me' and 'Mine'. The attachment can best be enjoyed by a detached outlook on life. Like a drop of water on a lotus leaf. It is there without soaking leaf. It is easier said than done. It is a mental state or 'Conditioning of mind to be Unconditioned.'
Like all great things come from perseverance, this mental state also comes by hard toil.
All attachments are like wound on a dog. He loves to lick them. Don't lick your wounds. Do not draw any sadistic pleasure out of it. It is pettiest to have a self pity. You simply didn't own what you have lost. How can you regret losing something that was not yours.
The first moment when one realizes being possessive should act immediately to overcome it. The cure usually lies in the ailment itself. The act of your partner that made you jealous, gave a pang in your heart or made you melancholic, grant him permission to act like that. Initially, it may look hard, but gradually you would feel that you are more in control of the situation than your partner is.
Chances are that your partner would feel guilty and would come back to you.
Do not cry in either of the situation. If at all you need to, do it privately with lot of Tissue Paper around, but never search for a shoulder when you want to cry, and at least never on the shoulder of your partner.
4. Life is Journey, Relationships are Conveyance:
Look at it like this. Life is long beautiful journey and it passes through different terrains, which makes the whole journey an interesting adventure.
Some conveyances are God gifted and others you can choose. Those we are born with are most easy to handle. Since we have no alternatives for those relations, we learn to accept them by birth. Even if there is some superficial change like Break-Up of parents the relation by blood never ends.
One must own the responsibility of having chosen a relationship. Usually the defense-mechanism of the mind does not permit us to take the responsibility and a blame game ensues.
5. Stretch your Plateau:
See the chart. The intensity of the relationship decreases with the passage of time. You have to expand the plateau that is the span, when you have maximum intensity for each other. Most of the relationship recedes to E after the first depression at C. If both are wise, they work out the cause and mend the relationship which makes it more sound.
© Vipin Behari Goyal
Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"
Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur
Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/
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