Wish You A Happy Break-Up :You Deserve Better

                            Myth of Made for Each Other

In many Tribal Communities and now advance communities Polyamory or Polyfidelitous, where more than two persons consent for Group Marriage depending upon their sexual orientation, would lead to an alternate society. It could be a Line Marriage if both partners agree to invite any third person of either gender to be a part of the family to save their stale marriage life.

Two great Indian Epics Ramayana and Mahabharata have many examples of such group marriages. In Ramayana Bali and Sugriva who were twin tribal brothers had Tara as their wife, father of Rama had three wives and in Mahabharata Five brothers had one wife and Krishna had innumerable wives.

Materialism has made human egocentric and possessive. He has become bundles of the negative qualities of other animals. Made for each other is a myth which suits aristocratic apologists who were anti feminist and were always scared of powerful women. In other words, the authority of church or any religious institution to provide a certificate of approval and declare loving couple as 'man and wife' till death do them apart, was a conspiracy of the society.

This complementary relationship with ' The other half ' or ' Better half ' is Utopian which is fictional in origin. Art and literature, especially poetry was invented by Man to appease women for ulterior motives. Woman at a point of time acts naive and is flattered to the advantage of man.

From Buddha (Unfathomably deep, deep like a fish course in the water is the character of a woman)  to Freud ('The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?" - Sigmund Freud: Life and Work)  women were proclaimed to be mysterious, not because they are, but because it helps  promoting chauvinism and gender-superiority.

Acknowledge these Five types of relationship which always exists when Dynamics of any Relationship are explored (explained in detail in the book "Worst is Over")

1. Sustainable Relationship: Are those relationships which 'takes less and gives more'. They lead to enrichment and nourishment of relationship.

2. Love-Hate Relationship: More you love, more likely you would hate. They go together. Some exercises may help you identify the proportion of each in your relationship.

3. Vacuumised Relationship: Why do you prefer to buy vacuumised packs of eatables. They keep the things fresh. That is how a vacuumised relationship always remains fresh.

4. Oedipus-Electra Relationship: Woman searches the quality of her father and Man searches for the qualities of his mother in their  relationship. It leads them to disappointment in each other.

5. Naturalistic Relationship: Relationship would grow only if it is naturalistic and leads to emptiness or quiescence. When the pendulum is going on one side, it is gaining energy to reach on the other side.

Dynamics of Organizational behavior are easy to handle, but the dynamics of the relationship between two individuals has more dimensions than one can imagine.

As it is said  "Better Luck Next Time"

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

Wish you happy Break-Up: Real Life -Style

                       Dynamics of Healthy and Sick Relationship

Pixabay

Graphs are great instruments to understand the phenomenon of life. Just like Yantra in Hinduism is a geometrical representation of  Mantra, embodiment of power house to recharge the battery of life, similarly  graph also help  in understanding  the contours of life.

The journey at Plateau from Point B to Point D is very important. It is not necessary, you would have only one dip at Point C, on the contrary the road is quite bumpy and it is more important that after every dip both the individuals feel a growth as a human being, which is the ultimate object of any relationship.

As we have seen earlier all relationships have different equation, so they have different remedies to rectify the imbalance. As our body yearns for harmony so does all relationship tends to be harmonious. We can only generalize some of the most common factors causing imbalance:

1. Boredom: One of the most common cause is boredom. If both the partners are creative and innovative, they soon find out a way to kill the boredom and head ahead.. If both are non creative, they may not feel that boredom has crept in and would be killed by it unknowingly. If either of them is creative he/she has a greater amount of trouble than the first two types. The non creative partner acts as dead weight and all the efforts made by creative one are laughed at and ridiculed.

2. Aggression: Second deadly emotion is aggression. It does not mean being aggressive towards your partner. It means 'Aggressive Life Style'. It means 'snatching by walking into the other's territory'. If either of the partners has aggressive life style and other is not extraordinarily meek, they would quarrel in public like two crazy people and if another partner is meek he /she would slip out of bed one fine night and walk away.

3. Satirical: Being satirical is worse than domestic violence victimization. Domestic violence has lots of support from society and law, but you can't call the Police if your partner has just passed a satirical comment leaving you speechless and battered. The quality of satires may vary depending upon the intellectual level of couple. A single satire in appropriate situation may lead to the breakup. The idea is to control the desire to pass a satire or revert back with a satire. It could save a relationship.

4. Consensual:  Consensual couple is likely to break up earlier. Being always consensual starts sending red signals and if the other partner is not an asshole he would know that their relationship is now terminable at any moment. Nagging is not the remedy or could be worse. The idea is to suggest something better or to come out with a better alternative to the proposal of your partner, not to make him feel inferior, but to show that there is application of mind on your part also. If done tactfully it could lead to a magical relationship.

5. Timidity: The moment your partner realizes that you are very  timid, he/she  would emotionally blackmail you, till you collapse in self pity. If you are not brave, you can't pretend to be brave all the time. But you have to take a stand once a while and stick to it with firmness. Your partner would be agitated by such unpredictable behavior, but it would leave him amazed and you could see a new respect in his/her eyes for you.

Past, howsoever bitter it may be has sweet memories. So, cherish the memories of all that happened between you, when the graph after Point D would take up an upward turn and take your relationship to a new height.

Other related Post
Make-Up Your Break Up 
Myth of Made for Each Other                                                                                                                            

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

Wish you a Happy Break-Up: In Literary Style

                Ten Rules Related to Breakups

"Nothing would have delighted me more than to hear that she was sick, unhappy, dying."-The End of the Affair by Graham Greene

If you think your relationship is heading towards a breakup, you have already reached there.

Now it's only the matter of Time.

Thumb Rule is 'The Earlier the Better"

It may sound callous, but it's a hard fact that early acknowledgement saves your self esteem and hurt does not bleed excessively. Here are the Ten Commandments that effect Adam-Eve Relationship.

1. Arithmetic of Relationship:  

Howsoever we may despise to admit the fact this age old institution of "relationship between opposite sex" is governed by certain Theories of Arithmetic". The Basic principle of  2+2=4 applies to this relationship also. When in love or possessed by love the couple starts believing that 1+1=1. This is an undeniable eternal truth that  two different entities if merge to become one, they have to lose all the earlier attributes attached to the identity created consciously or subconsciously to project a self-image.  

Ultimately, any effort  to violate the Rules of Arithmetic is futile and the temporary Unification leads to permanent Diversification.

Avoid  'I is you' and 'You is me'  feeling at any cost. Remain two islands connected by a bridge of Love, if you want your relationship to be eternal.

2. Search for the Philosophy of relationship:

 As no two individuals are alike, so are no two relationships alike in the whole world. 'Every couple in Love' is governed by a different and unique philosophy that defines their relationship. 

Never imitate a character of a novel you liked most, any actor or actress you are influenced with in real or on screen life, your friends or foes.

It is one of the most difficult parts. Because our logical part of the mind is diagonally  opposite to emotional mind and it needs two minds to draw an understanding of a Philosophy, to which both of them agree. If it is achieved, you are glued forever.

3. Possessiveness versus Permissiveness: 

The root cause of all evils is 'Me' and 'Mine'. The attachment can best be enjoyed by a detached outlook on life. Like a drop of water on a lotus leaf. It is there without soaking leaf. It is easier said than done. It is a mental state or 'Conditioning of mind to be Unconditioned.' 

Like all great things come from perseverance, this mental state also comes by hard toil.

All attachments are like wound on a dog. He loves to lick them. Don't lick your wounds. Do not draw any sadistic pleasure out of it. It is pettiest to have a self pity. You simply didn't own what you have lost. How can you regret losing something that was not yours.

The first moment when one realizes being possessive should act immediately to overcome it. The cure usually lies in the ailment itself. The act of your partner that made you jealous, gave a pang in your heart or made you melancholic, grant him permission to act like that. Initially, it may look hard, but gradually you would feel that you are more in control of the situation than your partner is.

Chances are that your partner would feel guilty and would come back to you.

Do not cry in either of the situation. If at all you need to, do it privately with lot of Tissue Paper around, but never search for a shoulder when you want to cry, and at least never on the shoulder of your partner.

4. Life is Journey, Relationships are Conveyance:

Look at it like this. Life is long beautiful journey and it passes through different terrains, which makes the whole journey an interesting adventure.

Some conveyances are God gifted and others you can choose. Those we are born with are most easy to handle. Since we have no alternatives for those relations, we learn to accept them by birth. Even if there is some superficial change like Break-Up of parents the relation by blood never ends.

One must own the responsibility of having chosen a relationship. Usually the defense-mechanism of the mind does not permit us to take the responsibility and a blame game ensues.

5. Stretch your Plateau: 

See the chart. The intensity of the relationship decreases with the passage of time. You have to expand the plateau that is the span, when you have maximum intensity for each other. Most of the relationship recedes to E after the first depression at C. If both are wise, they work out the cause and mend the relationship which makes it more sound.

Read Part 2: Myth of Made for Each Other

Read Part 3: Dynamics of Relationship

                                                                     

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

THE ORIGIN OF VIOLENCE

                                 From Ferguson to Peshawar

The whole world is in the grip of unprecedented violence. May be this is high time we resolve to spend  the year 2015 without any incidence of violence. The fire of violence that spreads from Ferguson to Peshawar has reached to the zenith of Shame for the Mankind.

Mahatma Gandhi was an epitome of nonviolence. The world and so called advance  civilization of the sense-fettered earth-bound mankind saw their mundane benefits in not appreciating the virtues of non-violence. Gandhi did not get any Nobel Peace Prize though he was the greatest champion of  Peace and non-violence. The violent people saw great opportunity in this and they not only shot him dead, but also replaced Gods with Guns in temples, mosque and churches. The violence got its shelter in the arms of religion.

Violence is not the irrational killing of a non white youth or innocent children, but is also hurting feelings of anyone by thought, words or action.

Gandhi went one step ahead and said "Poverty is also violence". So those who become rich by exploiting poor are the most violent type of people.

In the list of 183 countries published by IMF Afghanistan stands at rank  166 with GDP 678 USD per capita against  9 Rank of USA with 53001 USD GDP per capita. Not that it needs a Statistician to draw the conclusion. If some Economies are 1000 times stronger, obliviously they have overlooked some of their fundamental duties.

The racial prejudices are hampering the growth of certain races. In US $33,321 is the  annual median income of black households in 2012, compared with the nation at $51,017 and 27.2% is the poverty rate in 2012 for blacks, while nationally it was 15.0 percent.

Two data to understand two incidents. To own the responsibility. To face the situation squarely. To shift the paradigm. To plan the future of mankind with an open mind. To get rid off blame, counter blame game. Who would do it. Politicians. No, Never, their vested interest is not in the suffering of the mankind, but in popularity that would enhance their grip on their vote bank.

There would be no use of scaling the problem as a politician, sociologist or economist. The solution lies in understanding the problem  Philosophically and Psychologically as a human being. All solutions are very apparent provided we come over our prejudices and see the emergence of  the New Planet Earth.

In the novel The Possessed by Fyodor Dostoyevsky the revolutionary chooses Nikolai as the main target since he thinks that Nikolai has no sympathy for mankind.  The author was inspired real life revolutionary group "People's Vengeance".

In The Penal Colony by Kafka the "condemned man" is found guilty without any procedure or trial. It could be same as Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp or "The Torture Garden" of Octave Mirbeau. May be the person who tends to be violence are having the same opinion as Jean Paul Sartre's  "L'enfer, c'est les autres" or "Hell is other people". The "Terrorist" by John Updike remains one of the despised books by Americans, though the author has wisely woven the plot to understand the problem through Ahmad Ashmawy Mulloy.

Paulo Coelho on his blog has expressed his views in dubious language about fighting injustice.

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Mysticism in English Literature

                   Mysticism, Eroticism and Skepticism

                

Whatever is unexaplainable in the cosmos is a mystery. Whenever an author is possessed by some spirit he writes a mystical novel almost in trance. Mysticism is like peels of an onion. The texture would change with every peel, but ultimately a hollowness would make a mockery of all the efforts.

All books based on Premonition, Sixth sense, Supernatural, Absolute, Macro and Microcosm, Holy Grail, Miracles, God and Guru can be classified as mysticism, though list is not exhaustive and is expandable by imagination.

Many authors make the mystery more complicated by the narration. Oftentimes, readers too expect application of mind to read the book. Simplicity of language and narration leads to disappointment. They think Mysticism is prerogative of certain intellectual minds.

An author should avoid writing a book on Mysticism unless he has some first hand experience of the events he wants to narrate. It can not be a Fiction without foundation of True Knowledge. Otherwise, any prudent reader would discard the book after a few pages.

On the other hand, if the book is Realistic and complications of Life and Philosophy are handled carefully a casual reader would not be able to appreciate it. Because he is not on The Path, the path that leads to self realization. So he looses connection with the plot and characters and throws the book out from the nearest window.

William Blake when he says "Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion..." Or the Emerson's notion that "...Different races will eventually mix in America. This hybridization process would lead to a superior race that would be to the advantage of the superiority of the United States" and Goethe when he says  “Where one day she'll be glimpsed: creature who'll scorch me with love?” are actually talking about their ability to observe and discern.

Mysticism in a way symbolizes Eroticism. The seeds of solution for Mysticism are hidden behind the curtain of lust that is the force that pulls in the opposite direction.

Tantra (Read my book Maya...) handles both the forces with care and make use of one Energy (Sexual) to attain another (Spiritual). Tantra is super mystic since the knowledge is said to be forbidden for a man of ordinary prudence. To practice rituals of Tantra without guidance of a Guru could be fatal.

Earnest E. Larkin in his essay Mysticism in Literature has talked about "I-It" Mystics. The Vedanta  talks about "That-Thou" concept to understand the mysteries. The inner consciousness being The real agent of perception, the senses being mere instruments.

The world of indefinable Extra Sensory Perception leads to Skepticism. The hidden power to read the future (Clairvoyance)  is a God Gift or can be attained (Awakening of Kundalini) is also a matter of an individual's opinion finding its way in many books of Fiction and Non-Fiction.

Some authors have come out with original solutions to the age old problem and their work is a master piece in the history of Literature. Khalil Gibran in his book The Prophet and Richard Bach in his book Jonathan Livingston Seagull have given the essence of Life.

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Excerpts from his Book "The Worst is Over"

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

Simplicity Personified in Literature

                  Simplicity is not Stupidity

One of the side effects of rapid advancement and consumerism is the extinction of simplicity from society. The youth is sapiosexual and is aroused  by intelligence only. It is also taken for granted that all successful people are intelligent or vice versa.

The qualities like an opportunist, cunnings, street smart, hypocrite, snobbery which were once looked down upon by the society are now being appreciated. Some rich people act modestly and people take a note of it, but for too small of a man, modesty is in vain.

The word simpleton has originated from simple which means a foolish or gullible person. Homer describes a combination of socialist and simpleton as 'knowing many things, but knowing them all badly'.

The Idiot by Feodor Dostoyevsky is said to be an autobiographical novel. Prince Myshkin had spent time in mental sanatorium. He is subjected to many disasters just because he is a simple man. Author confirm the view that sanatorium is the only secure place for stoic saints who do not believe in the power of money and sex.

How bad it is to be innocent in this corrupted world? The command  'Let child be thy father' is in the praise of innocence and purity of heart. No child is born crook, we make him so. We don't want to take responsibility so we say he is born like that. The age of innocence of children is also thinning out fast. The time is not far when only a nascent child would be innocent.

Michael K in J. M. Coetzee's book "Life and Times of Michael K"  is such a person. He is a pure soul untouched by perils of the world and fails to understand why anybody would harm him when he does not want to harm anybody. Actually, this innocently simple man is a depiction of our inward journey that wants to take its dead mother (conscience) back to its rural home (purity).

Harper Lee in "To kill a mocking bird" suggests to kill a mockingbird could be a sin because mockingbirds simply provide pleasure with their songs, saying, "They don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us."

 To kill a mocking bird is to kill someone simple and harmless. What was once prohibited is now a treasured game of rich and affluent. The coming generation (not youth, but middle aged neo rich) is haunted  by the ruthless savagery of cut throat competition and has already put all values at stake to win the race. Simple people happily provide their shoulders to aid them in climbing the stairs of success.

William Barrett in his book "Irrational Man" writes about a story by Kierkegaard. The story is told of the absent minded man so abstracted from his own life that he hardly knows he exists until, one fine morning, he wakes up to find himself dead.

 The whole civilization is that absent minded man, busy in creating a weapon of its own end. Would you call it smart or simple?

Kalidas is an Indian Scholar who created literature in Sanskrit was simple to the extent that he cut the same branch of the tree he was sitting on, thus he would fall as soon as he cut the branch.

The modern society does not dare to be philosophical. 

Milan Kundera, who claims that Nietzsche's hugging of the abused horse to be a symbolic gesture against the dominance, the arrogance of the human mind over nature, against the blind worship of progress.

The cycle of comprehension goes like this. Simple to Complex to Simple. The initial Simplicity is of ignorance. When learning starts the things become complex, but with the dawn of ultimate knowledge the simplicity reoccurs. That is the Wisdom.

It is easy to be complex. In fact, everyone around us is complex. We have forgotten the taste of simplicity. A simple man is queer, incomprehensible and easily rejectable. His humble acceptance of rejection  proves our theory that he deserved to be condemned.

Authors tend to appreciate simplicity in their text. They want to save the world from the madness of so called progress.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said "In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity."

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

In The Honor of Oldest Profession

     Beauty of Fallen Women in Literature

Let us begin with Buddha and Christ. Two renowned Gods who have shown the path followed by millions. 

Buddha broke the rules of commune and gave entry to chief prostitutes of Vaishali (ancient state of India) called  Amrapali. Well, she was so extraordinarily beautiful that she was officially compelled to the profession so that many could enjoy the virtue of her beauty. The Buddha concluded "Being a prostitute is not an obstacle to enlightenment if she is willing and diligently practices Dharma. In fact, the experience of a prostitute could help her towards enlightenment sooner than otherwise".

Mary Magdalene was one of the most favorite disciple of Jesus Christ. She accompanied him everywhere. Saviour showered her with kisses frequently. The rest of the disciples were offended by it and expressed disapproval. They said to him, "Why do you love her more than all of us?" The Saviour answered and said to them, "Why do I not love you like her?" She was present at the time of the crucifixion and the resurrection. Mary Magdalene being a repentant sinner was found more worthy of enlightenment like Amrapali.

Osho after deep contemplation on Hindu philosophy wrote his spiritual marvel "From sex to the super consciousness."

Dante Gabriel Rossetti's "Jenny" rewritten many times is a poem of monologue addressed to dozing harlot in her surroundings.  The anxiety of 'speaker' for exposure to disease and social ostracism is also evident in the poem along with acknowledgement of his own absurdity as his "thoughts run on like this/With wasteful whims more than enough" symbolizes  emptiness of words by thoughtful man.

Elizabethan Era of Poetry was followed by prudish and repressed Victorian Era and passionate emotions were expressed in floral symbols. Even then a book like "My Secret Life" by anonymous author Walter were secretly read by many aristocrats.

After the second World War there was a lot of Holocaust Literature written as memories of sufferers or eyewitness of the holocaust. House of Dolls By Ka-tzetnik describes the Jewish women kept in concentration camps to quench the  carnal thirst of Nazi soldiers. Like Amarpali beautiful Jewish girls were also compelled to serve  the militia.

All over World beautiful women are admired and desired by everyone, but only mighty and wealthy people have a right to possess and consume them.

These fallen women are like "Light House" for the fallen authors (suffering from author's block), drifting in the ocean of life.

Garcia writes "Memories of My Melancholy Whores". May be  Delgadina of Garcia is the Jenny of Dante. Across every Era the characters come back with the same vivacity as if they had never left.

The collective psyche of all authors dead and alive and yet to born creates immortal characters.

Look at Nana by Emile Zola. Or at Adriana of A Woman of Rome By Alberto Moravia.

Adriana confesses "I had taken up a very hard profession..."

They are the women who have washed the sins of others at their own cost. They are the combination of Magic and Mystery. Divine Sinners. Stoic Streetwalkers.

Who could be a better character to suffer from existentialist angst than a whore.

Adriana felt a strange pleasure when money was thrust in her hand for the first time and that kind of description is only possible for Alberto who doesn't write the book as an author but becomes Adriana himself.

 The man from the underground meets Liza in a brothel in Dostoyevsky's Notes from the underground. His encounter with Liza is the climax of the book, after which this beautiful novel ends. As if Author wants to say I have nothing more to say. Liza was once humiliated for having a stained soul refuses to accept money and comes out to be a pure soul.

 Yoshikawa in his book  The Art of War says "People tend to be put off by the idea of selling sex, but if you spend a winter's night with one of them and talk with her about her family and so on, you're likely to find she's just like any other woman."

This idea of treating the all human as normal could revolutionize the gender equation and thus whole society. May be that would be the alternative Society we are looking forward to when what has so far been condemned would get appreciated by society. Imagine how it would diminish the load from society to tackle the repulsive crimes of illegal trafficking, and authorities who handle law and order would be profitably deployed for protecting the society in the real sense.

How does it matter what you sell? Your mind or your body?

Selling body for physiological needs, like hunger and sleep could be  less heinous  than selling your mind.

Golden has fictionalized the character of Iwasaki's true life story in "Memories of a Geisha" to the extent that the beauty of a literary figure is lost in the wave of overtly dramatized plot.

On the other hand Poly Adler makes most honest confessions in "A house is not a home". She says "It is traditional that prostitutes are a sentimental lot, and in the main, that is true." And "What it comes down to is this: the grocer, the butcher, the baker, the merchant, the landlord, the druggist, the liquor dealer, th...e policeman, the doctor, the city father and the politician--these are the people who make money out of prostitution, these are the real reapers of the wages of sin".

And who is the female who is not a prostitute and who is the male who is not pimp?

© Vipin Behari Goyal

Author is also Advocate at Rajasthan High Court, Jodhpur

Read more at: http://vipinbeharigoyal.blogspot.in/

*Some quotes are from the forthcoming novel by the Author "From Under the Carpet"